Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Will you help me for free? No I won't.

I'm a computer guy and everybody knows it. My family knows it, my neighbors know it and my friends know it. I spent ten years in college earning an engineering degree in computer science and then a Ph.D. in computer science, so there's no point in denying.

So I'll fix your computer, right? No, I won't. At least not wholeheartedly. First of all, I'm not really good at fixing your computer. I know how it works on the inside, I write new computer programs, but I'm not a fixer. I just don't have that experience. Just like your grammy-awarded neighbor will not fix your stereo or your Pulitzer winning cousin will not fix your typewriter (not that I ever won any big awards). Second, I don't even use the computers that you use. I use Mac and Linux and I've been keeping away from Windows for the past ten years of my life.

So, when a cousin, friend, [fill in the blank] asks me to fix their computer, I'm not exactly thrilled. On one hand, I have a tendency to want to help people. On the other hand, I know it's going to take more time than I want to spend and more than they would dare to ask for if they would know the time budget in advance. Long story short: I used to fix the computers as good as I could, often not fully satisfying the owner and always spending more time than I wanted to (think: several hours).

I know this is a common situation, even for non-technical people. My dad is a physical therapist who regularly gets requests for free therapy and advice at family parties. I'm sure lawyers, writers, car mechanics and basically anybody with a specific skill gets this kind of informal requests for free help. Since you have studied to become a lawyer, writer or car mechanic, and you're trying to make a living out of it, it's only fair that people will pay you for your skills. But since these specific people are your neighbors or your cousin's best friend, and they ask you not during office hours, but at your sister's wedding party, they think you should help them for free (or perhaps for whuffie). Worst thing is that people will start taking your help for granted and will keep coming back to you.

There seems to be a problem here: you look bad if you don't want to help and you look bad if you want to ask money for helping. Here is a solution to both problems, call it a win-win solution. First, offer to refer a good colleague who can help with this problem for a fair price (I'm still looking for a good computer-fixer-guy near Ghent, Belgium that I can refer to). This sort-of takes care of being helpful, but most people will insist that you take care of your problem personally. If there is no way out, help the person that has come to you. However, you don't have to do this for free.

The last time I helped a neighbor, she asked me how much she owed me. I wrote her the following note:

Dear Ann,

Fixing your computer and getting all data from its harddisk took me three hours of work.

While I am self-employed, I could easily write an invoice to cover my expenses, but I won't. It is not my intention to do this sort of work (fixing computers) on a regular basis. It is also not my intention to make money at the expense of friends and neighbors.

So instead of writing an invoice, I suggest you make a donation to the Flemmish Cancer League, by wire transfer to account number xxx-xxxxxxx-xx. That way, at least something good comes from your crashed laptop.

Good luck with your research.

kind regards

Philippe

So here is the win-win in this deal:
  • I'm not the bad guy, because I helped a friend and I don't want money for it.
  • Next time, Ann will probably consider a different solution to her problems (path of least resistance)
  • I feel good for helping Ann and for helping a good cause.
  • Ann feels good for helping a good cause.
(Would that make it a win-win-win-win situation? Nah, that would be overkill.)

This trick also works the other way. I told this story a friend at the Chamber of Commerce, and he says he pulls the same trick on speakers he invites for seminars: "To which non-profit organization shall I donate your fee for addressing our members toningt?" This way you're not cheep, but you still know your invited speakers are not in it for the money. Turns out only two people "turned down" his offer and gave them their own bank account number.

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